I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
honey bunches of taint.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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