I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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