this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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