I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
