Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize