Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
