dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
