Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
