Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
