i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
