My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
