don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
