Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
