i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
