My liver just broke up with me...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
