Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
