y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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