@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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