well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
