we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
