I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
