my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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