girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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