the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
