He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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