Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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