You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
