I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Text me some of your sweat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize