update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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