Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
