I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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