i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you would pick up someone in the library
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
