You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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