he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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