I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
