seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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