In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
