Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
