At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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