'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
