I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
