went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
