handjob tips. give me some.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
