I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
