you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
