I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
