this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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