this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
