so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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