The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
