shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've blown a few things in my day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
